Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
