This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Enjoy the penises
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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