about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
