whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She even gives head with a lisp.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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