I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
