Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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