oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I love you. Go after that dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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