Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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