Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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