Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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