and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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