My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
