my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
