yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
