I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I just sharted jello shots
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