am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
