I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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