he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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