I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
