Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
