i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
