Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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