I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
