Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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