I puked a lego.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
