The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
50% drunk capacity currently
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
