Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
