You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
