gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
