i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We had to coat check the pizza.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
