yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
