So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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