you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
