She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
