I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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