Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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