My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
