According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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