so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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