She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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