Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
They took my balls.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
