Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
