my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
