If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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