the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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