marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.