you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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