I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
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That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.