is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?