worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.