so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm just crazy horny about you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.