Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
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Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake