I think im going to throw up on grandma
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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