You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
