It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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