if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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