think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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