are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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