You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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