Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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