I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
