Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
