Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
