I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
