Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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