i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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