this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize