He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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