So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
